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And so desperatly obvious...

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[14 May 2004|12:55am]
I got a new LJ a looong time ago I just never did anything with it and uh yea.
It's rumor_of_hope so yea.
Add me on there.
It be friends only.
But yea.
I hate re-doing journals.
Cause then you gotta add everyone all over..and it's stupid.
But I don't like this one.
So yea.

EDIT: I think I'm just going to add everyone who's already on my list, and if you don't
add me back in a week or so, I'll take you off.
And this will be the last entry in this journal.
2 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[13 May 2004|10:26pm]
PyroManiak479:  i'd jump around and kiss everyone
X BaBiEe BrYt X:  lol..aww me too!!
and i'd purposly find eric and kiss him....cause..i wanna.,.
X BaBiEe BrYt X:  oo speakin of eric
X BaBiEe BrYt X:  him nd melanie were talkin in gym nd he was lyk "stacie's mad at me again for a stupid reason 
lol that's good right?
X BaBiEe BrYt X:  everyday we have this big blowup...over nothin cuz shes jealus of people... "
X BaBiEe BrYt X: 
nd then melanie goes "why dont you juss kill some grl"..cuz some1 else told stacie that this grl lyked eric or somethin nd yea..blah blah...nd then he goes "why dont we kill stacie!! "
oh lmao
X BaBiEe BrYt X:  nd i go.."yea nd go out with kelly"...nd he juss looks at me...nd tryed not to smile..im not sure if he heard wut i sed or if he juss heard me talkin
X BaBiEe BrYt X: 
so i was lyk yea im not really in this convo.
lol awww
PyroManiak479:  teeehhee i <3 you brittany
X BaBiEe BrYt X:  lol..<3 ya too
i want a lover i dont have to love.

[12 May 2004|06:04pm]
Hehe new layout.
i want a lover i dont have to love.

[11 May 2004|08:19pm]
I kinda feel bad now for avoiding Charlie this afternoon. But it was kinda fun...like an adventure. I hid behind Brittany, Dylan, Lana, and Hannah. And then I felt bad. And then I felt like a secret agent person. Cause I was hiding behind people, ya know?

I think the weirdest part of the day..was when we were walking to the computer lab in 4th hour..and Eric passed one of the classrooms and he's like looking through the window of the door and he's like "Hi Charlie!! KELLY COME HERE!!" and I was like "Noooooo..." and I started to run away, and he grabbed me and tried to like shove me towards the door but we were both laughing..and it was cute. I think. And then we were talking aggain, this time about how I wasn't really sure if I wanted to go out with Charlie..and Eric's like "What, is his head to big?" and I was like "No." and then he'd say another question and my answer would still be no and he's like "Then what's the problem? Do you like someone else?" and I stared at him for a few seconds like "WHAT THE FUCK I JUST TOLD YOU LAST WEEK I LIKED YOU." [I didn't say that] and he's like "....?" and I just said "God are you THAT stupid?" and he looks at me like he knew what I was trying to say, laughs, and then says "Yea..I don't know."

So whatever. Hopefully SOMETHGIN will happen within the last 2 weeks we got at school.
i want a lover i dont have to love.

[09 May 2004|01:17pm]

Stories in our lives, we keep them all inside.Collapse )

8 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[09 May 2004|11:55am]
I'm really hungry.
i want a lover i dont have to love.

[07 May 2004|04:41pm]
Ok, you know how they all say "Oh just get your mind off the person you like, and eventually you'll stop liking them."
Well....I've been trying that for the past week....and nothing's happening.
Wednesday Eric pulled me aside and basically told me that I was cool, hott, and if he wasn't going out with Staacy, we could go out.
And I think...that...I would of moved on quicker..if he hadn't told me that. [Although I was happy for the rest of the day after he told me that]
But then there's still Charlie...and...I don't know..he seems really shy..although Eric told me that he was
just like him, except not as loud.
But still...I can't see myself with Charlie. At all.
So I'm still stuck on Eric..and...it's not getting any better.

Maybe once the school year next year starts..and I meet 58902483290 new people, I'll COMPLETELY forget about him..but..for now I'm still stuck in this little..rut...thing..and it's not getting any better.

But there's no one to like?
And I see him every day..so it's a constant reminder, and this whole situation, officially sucks more cock than a 25 cent whore.
i want a lover i dont have to love.

[04 May 2004|04:21pm]
Well let's see.
Today I talked to Eric finally.
He's like "Ok, you know Charlie?" [the kid who was at Sunfest with him] and I said "Yea.." and he's like "Well he likes you, and unfortunatly I don't, but Charlie wants to go out with you and stuff." and I was expecting that cause I saw him w/ his girlfriend on the way to 4th hour, and they still looked all happy and all that jazz...so I knew he wasn't breaking up with her anytime soon for anyone...but I told him "I don't know him though." and he's like "Well then get to know him!" and then I said "How?" and he's like "Call him and talk to him or something.." and I said "Well I hate talking on the phone." but he wrote Charlie's number on my backpack 'just incase' I don't hate talking on the phone one day.

So now I'm kinda dissapointed I guess.
I expected it all..but...I guess it just hasn't settled in my brain that the guy I've liked for so long, doesn't like me..or I really didn't care as much as I thought about him.

So yea...and Lana says I should go out with Charlie and forget Austin..which I think I will.

But I wanna atleast get to know the kid, ya know?

So I guess in the end, it's not all a big mistake.
6 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[02 May 2004|01:35pm]
Exactly 24 hours till I know what he thinks.
i want a lover i dont have to love.

You're so guilty it's disgusting. [02 May 2004|12:10pm]
afjdSKAFWI(FJDKSAFD<saFjdilsajkfl AFJDEKLAFJIREOnckdfjkldsafd jfd98fowhfelwajfmkdsafjdklsafds. JHRuiawehfidlsajfkdlsau9w.
4 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[02 May 2004|12:14am]



Crazbeautiful420:  im sry
PyroManiak479:  for....?
Crazbeautiful420:  for everything
PyroManiak479:  you've said that once before.
Crazbeautiful420:  i no
PyroManiak479:  then do you not mean it....cause you keep saying it.
Crazbeautiful420:  i mean it
Crazbeautiful420:  its hard
Crazbeautiful420:  but w/e i dont wannatalka but iit
PyroManiak479:  then why'd you im me to say you were sorry if you didnt wanna get into it lol
PyroManiak479:  that's like calling someone to say they'll call back later
Crazbeautiful420:  im sry
PyroManiak479:  if you were truly sorry..then you'd stop.
Crazbeautiful420:  i diddtop!
Crazbeautiful420:  up until friday
PyroManiak479:  my point?
Crazbeautiful420:  kelly its so fuckin hard
Crazbeautiful420:  help me
PyroManiak479:  i try..but each time i do..you either push away or ignore me..
Crazbeautiful420:  cuz its hard
PyroManiak479:  it's called self control.
Crazbeautiful420:  its fuckin hard
PyroManiak479:  that excuse won't hold your actions.
Crazbeautiful420:  how do i get self control
PyroManiak479:  i'm not a doctor person.
PyroManiak479:  it's something you gotta do for yourself.
PyroManiak479:  ok?
Crazbeautiful420:  k


In other news, Austin said he wants me to call him to prove I still like him............


And...I'm not even sure if I like him?

And Hannah was like "Well Kelly's shy..." and he says "I don't like shy girls. Tell her to call me."

And..I don't even have his house number.

Cause his cellhpone broke or something like that.

So this'll be great.

God this is so overwhelming.

2 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

Here I am; Beside myself again. [01 May 2004|05:08pm]
45 hours till I know what he thinks.
1 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[30 Apr 2004|11:52pm]
I'm still scared that he's going to reject me.
It'll be quick and easy.
"I read your note Kelly...and I just have to say that I don't like you like that. Sorry."
And then it'll finally hit me.
The kid I've liked for the past 348290 days..finally knows how I feel..and it's over like that.
He'll end up going out with Brittany Duvall..and that'll be it.

I'm going to go crazy this weekend.
3 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[30 Apr 2004|09:38pm]
+++++Collapse )
i want a lover i dont have to love.

[30 Apr 2004|05:07pm]
Phew. Lots has happened in 2 days.

I went to Sunfest thursday night with Lana and Hannah and saw Switchfoot.
They we'rent as good as I thought they'd be..and there were a lot of people there. So we walked around and stuff and bought food and then it started to rain as we watched this guy on a unicycle that was like 15 feet high..then all of the sudden Lana goes "HEY LOOK! THERE'S ERIC!" So we walk over..and we talk for a few minutes and then we see this couple on the sea wall bench thing making out so Eric's like "Ahaha we should go over there." so we all [We meaning=Me, Eric, Lana, Eric's friend Charlie, Hannah, and these two girls I didn't know that Eric and Charlie had just met.] went over and I was sitting next to him and he's like "Alright Kelly, our turn!" and he grabs me and pretends he's going to make out with me but then at the last second I make a face and he stops and I was like "...." and he's like "Hahaha I was just kidding." and then I go "Eric you have a girlfriend." and then he goes "She's in Chicago!" blah blah blah.
Then Lana got cold and he gave her his extra shirt to wear..since he had two..and then he left and she smelled it and it smelled weird so she wouldn't wear it and
so I ended up walking around the rest of the night with it and got ketchup on it. I wanted to take it home and wash it then spray it with Axe.

Sooooooo...fast forward till the end of the night..It was Lana Hannah and me now..and we walk into the kiddie section of the entire festival thing cause Lana wanted a temporarry tattoo we see this bounce house but you fight in it instead with the huge gloves..so Lana and Hannah got inline for that cause I didn't wanna go..and we see Eric standing next to it and Charlie getting out er sometihgng..and so they start walking over to us and Eric gives me a hug and I was like "What are you leaving?" and he's like "Yea.." and then Hannah was like "WAIT! Kelly leave really quick." and so I walked away and I remembered Hannah telling me that she was going to have a talk with Eric about him saying his whole "No, she's unattractive." thing about me. So I'm over there for like 3 minutes and I see them talking to him and he turns around and looks at me with this weird look and I'm like "What?" so I run back over and now Charlie, this girl Brittany DuVall that goes to our school and a few of her friends were over by the line again so I walk up and I was like "What'd you tell him?" and the girls wouldn't tell me and Eric goes and gives me a hug and I was like "No wait! What'd they tell you?" and he's like "I'll see you tomorrow.."

So to make a long story short, cause if I keep typing we'll have a novel here, it turns out that he apologizes to me [through Hannah] for saying I was unattractive and then Hannah told him that I liked him and then he said "Oh I didn't know that." and then Hannah says "Would you ever consider going out with Kelly?" and he says "Uhh..I'm actually considering going out with Brittany.." [the girl who came up randomly that I guess] so that kind of made me a little sad but I was relieved he knew that I liked him now.

Moving onto today...

I knew he was going to bring it up again in 4th hour..and I was right. We were watching Forest Gump and in the middle of it, he's like "Kelly do you like me?" and I didn't say anything, but I just smiled and looked away and he's like "Do you like me?" and I didn't know what to say, cuase I thought he'd get it by now..so he comes over and starts like shaking my foot and stuff and I was just like "Well why would it matter anyhow?" and he's like "Just tell me..I don't care if it's good or bad." so I just looked away and he went back to his seat so I wrote him a note that basically said "Yea..I like you..but I don't know if it'll mean anything since you have a girlfriend and I heard you were considering going out with Brittany. If you have anything else to say..write me back." and I saw him reading it outside of 5th hour..and so I ran inside my class and I was like shaking cause I was so nervouse....

Urgh. Now I have to wait all weekend to find out his reaction since I didn't see him later.

This was a picture taken thursday when these weird Puertorican guys grabbed us and the official photographer that was taking pictures all night for GoPbi.com so..yea...and so I went on last night and saw the picture..and laughed my ass off.

Me-Hannah-Lana. and the weird guys we don't know.
Then like right after the guy took the picture, the guy holding Lana starts trying to make out with her..and she's like "OK!! OK!!! LET ME GOO!!!!" lol it was funny.
3 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[28 Apr 2004|09:15pm]
Today sucked.

Wow only 2 words to decsribe the day I went through.
There were occasional breaks where I was somewhat happy, but those were rare.

First Hour
It was ok I guess. Up until the last 20 minutes when pretty much everyone lashed out saying all the gay people suck and were gross. But everyone is entitled to their opinion so it's no like I could be like "SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!! YOU'RE ALL WRONG!!" So I just sat there and listened to them. It kinda pissed me off but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I could care less about other people's opinions about a topic if it doesn't even concern me.

Second Hour
Finished my graph drawing thing..well almost. I still have to write "CRAYOLA" where it'd be on the crayon box in the picture. I haaaate doing things like this. Graph drawings? You get like a 2 by 4 inch little sectioon of a picture, then you have to re-draw it on a huuuuuge like 2000000 by 300000 inch paper practically.

Third Hour
Watched a stupid nutritional movie while I ate a fatty brownie.

Fourth Hour
*He* barely spoke 3 words to me today.
And when he did, it was more like he was talking to Helena AND me. There were no direct him and Kelly words.



Fifth Hour
Read the Anne Frank book. =\ boring.

Sixth Hour
Took a test. Failed it.

Oh yea! And progress reports..ughh..

I guess that's not thaaaaaat bad.
1 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[27 Apr 2004|07:46pm]
Today wasn't that great of a day. I was still a little pissed about the Austin thing..but last night was great so it made my spirits go up a tad bit.

Now I'm just sitting at home..and it's reaally boring. I got work to do..but I'm going to be majorly lame and not do it..even though I'm failing half my classes...well not really...just not doing that great at all. Progress reports tomorrow. This'll be great.


But if I get grounded, I won't be able to see Austin.

Snazzy. >:O [Sarcasm?]

Oh yea, by the way..I redid my layout today...
Did Hannah's too.

And whatshisface said I was unattractive today.

"No, I have a girlfriend and I don't find her that attractive." [When asked if he liked me.]


You could of done just fine with the 'No I have a girlfriend.' ...but you decide to call me ugly?
Thanks, asshole. I appreciate that reminder from you.

That pissed me off for pretty much the rest of the day.

And it occurded to me, while walking home in the rain with Lana [Which was grand.] that I'm really pathetic if one guy's words can affect me that much...
2 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[26 Apr 2004|09:49pm]
My Chemical Romance was the shit.
I was scared to go by myself..but...I did
anyhow...and it was fun.
At first I was standing towards the back, and I
couldn't see over all the shithead's..heads...=\
So I walked around towards the other side and
there was a space RIGHT IN THE FRONT.
And so immediatly I ran towards it..and marked
my territory.
I got there at 8...the show started at 6:30 so
all the other little bands played already I guess
but as soon as I got there...I hear.
And then the curtains went SWOOOSH and there they
stand. =O

The show was great. THey played a few songs from
their new album.
Took lots of pictures.
I love the Gerard dance. =]
Bought a HUUUUGE jacket. You can fit me and Austin
in there at once.

Speaking of Austin...for the entire 2nd, 3rd, and some
of lunch period..I was freaking out about something.
Cause I had heard from multiple people, that Sam and
Austin had hooked up or something a while ago..but
it was still when I knew him and liked him..and so for
the entire 2nd period, I didn't do one thing.
I think Barker was pissed off cause I was supposed
to help him clean the classroom & draw this graph thing..but
I didn't..so whatever.

And also I remember Austin saying to me "Yea..Kenny was trying
to hook me up with Sam..but I was like 'No dude, she's only 13.'"
Or something along those lines...but I kept thinking, if age was
the only thing holding him back from hooking up with her..
then that would be an easy hook up. Just forget that the girl
is 13. Do whatever you want. Regret it in the morning. Move on.

So blah blah blah. Didn't work in 3rd hour. Too busy over thinking
things even more. Went to lunch. Didn't see Sam. Saw Hannah.
Called her over. Finally got the scoop that they did kiss er
makeout er blah blah blah.

And I used to think "Well I don't care about him that much to
get jealous..." but now I think I do. =\

So yea....it's in the past so it shouldn't be that big
of a deal..and now I just want to see him even more.

I don't hate Sam for it...cause I barely know the story.
So yea.
That's my update for tonight.
8 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[25 Apr 2004|01:40pm]
Sunburn is never good. >:O
Lana and I are so cool though, that we
lay in the shoreline, and tan there.
No one else will do that with me. =[
1 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

[23 Apr 2004|10:22pm]
Ooookay I think I'm in love with Kett's look-a-like.

Want to hear story?

So it's my dad's birthday so we all went out to eat,
[Katie, the mom, and the dad and me.] and we're sitting
down and everything's just...kinda stupid and boring and
we had the WORST waiter who couldn't remember a
thing we ordered cause he was old and fat.

And then...an angel walked in. [Mwahaha how cheesy]
With his parents.

But he was seriously....the cutest Kett-like-kid I've ever

And I reeeeealllly wanted to meet him.

But he kept looking over...and I kept looking at him..
And he was so cute. =[

And he had like long brown hair that was curly..
and he held it back and like...leaned down to smell
his food....? and then he looked up at me and let it
fall in his face.

That was the moment...I fell in love.

This is what he looked like.Collapse )


It would be really freaky if he was in my first hour next
year or I saw him wondering around the mall, parent-less.


I'd probably rape him.
And then give him my number.

Edit: Oh yea and he was wearing a shirt that
said 'Bubba Gump' on it, and my sister was making
fun of me and she was like "BUBBA GUMK!! BUBBA GUNK!"
Cause we didn't know exactly what it said and
she made me dad yell it out, but he yelled out "BUBBLE
GUM!" so we probably looked like a bunch of loons.
12 _ i want a lover i dont have to love.

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